[Untitled Entry]

I wrote this a few days ago. I was raw and completely real. I wanted to drink heavily, I honestly did and I've kept myself from doing that. So here it is. ==== At the beginning of this year I thought the worse thing was getting older. Sadly I was shocked back to reality on Sunday morning with the news that not one, but two of my cousins were killed in a car accident. I may not have been close to them the last few years or even the last 8 years. That doesn't change the fact that I grew up with them. Hell one of them I was neighbors with for a year of my life. We were even in most of our classes in school growing up. It was funny to us that no one knew we were related at all. Most teachers just thought we were just super great friends. However it's not long until they realize you're not just friends, but related by blood. Every class we were in together, they'd split us up. It never stopped us at all to still be silly and do stupid gestures from across the room either. At some points in many classes, rather than have us split up and still causing madness they'll put us back together. I remember the first time I'd skipped school was with my cousin Fili. I'd have never done it on my own, but I told him I wanted to do that. Looking back now, I know it was because I knew he would get me to do it. He always got me to do things I would never do on my own. Such as opening up more as a person in public. I remember people acting like I was a freak a quiet all the time and some would ever go as far as to basically bescared of me. Because when I was younger I was tall and wore all black and a hooded sweater all the time [still do]. Fili told them to get to know me and that I was funny when you knew me. Most people got to know me because of him and I opened up more in school because of him. Though I never completely did, most of out friends got a kick out of me giving teachers the silent treatment. Which only would go on to anger some teachers, though they never expressed it. That's just something you learn to read growing up. Just as you can tell when your parents are upset. I'm ending this now. I've spend the last hour and a half crying my eyes out. I just can't believe they're gone. Though I only talked about one cousin here, two are gone. The other was younger, so I didn't have too much to do with him. Other than a few times of hanging out after birthdays or just talking about random things together. We all still had fun in this life and I know it's corny to say, but live your life to the fullest. Because you never know when that moment comes and you're no longer here with the ones you love and with the others that have passed on before you.