Le Cordon Bleu

I've been a culinary student for the last 4 months, although the last month doesn't count - as I've been back in my home state getting medical needs taken care. I had a massive oral infection that was basically killing me. I had 3, 4 hour long oral surgeries and had to have 3 teeth completely removed along with the nerves. All that aside, I've had time to think about all the lies I was force-fed by silver-tongues devils at Le Cordon Bleu. They said things like "Work as fast as you want," and "education at your own pace," "we're here to help you move forward in your new life,' and it was all glamorized shit I wanted to hear. I'll be honest, I fell for it all - hook, line and sinker. I dove in the deep end hoping for challenge and all I got was lecture and example after lecture and example and when it came to the other "help" they promised, it was only lies again and again. I did help with my resume. However they fucked up the dates and made me look like an asshole in the process. No wonder job applications I put in didn't go anywhere - I know, I know. I should have looked at it myself and made the proper changes. However when you're sitting right there and telling them certain dates and everything they NEED to know, you expect it to come out as you spoke it, not as they "heard" it - if they really did listen in the first place. Now I do feel bad for them, all of them. The school is inevitably closing down in 2017 and they are teaching out the current students in all the campuses across the US. However it's not by the fault of the students of the past or even current. It's the fault of the corporation that was running the school system. They failed %100 and made promises they couldn't keep. I tried to keep my head up. I tried to keep moving forward. I've fallen into a major depression because the system is broken and there is now no need whatsoever to fix it. They never cared before, and they damn sure don't care at all anymore. Who would? They're going to get paid for the next year and not really have to do anything else but roll along until the time comes that they need to get a new job. As much as I would love for the school to continue on into the future, because hell I'd planned on being there for 10 years before I stepped foot into the school and got enrolled. It's been an icon in the industry for far too long just to let it all die and go away. Hell even if another school, such as the Culinary Institute of America (CIA) bought it out, they could keep the name going and teach their own style there. I'm also on the verge of being homeless and every e-mail I get from this place is saying they will help me. Yet every 3 days I get the same e-mail, written differently to throw me off and make me believe they really are trying to help. It's a business at the end of the day and nothing in business matters if it's not money. I'm not made of money nor am I money, so I don't matter. It's something I've known for a long time. Because one thing I learned living on the Rez, you take one step forward and find yourself 10 back from where you started. It never matters what you do, or where you end up. it's always 6 feet under, with nothing to your name and nothing you gained.

Airing of Grievances

Growing up I was always told you take care of family. Even the neighbor is family when you've known them long enough. However I've come to learn in the long scheme of things that blood doesn't make you family. There is no loyalty in the game called "Family." The one most likely to stab you in the back isn't the homeless man/woman trying to get a taste of food - it's the person standing next to you in the family portraits. It's the person you've called 'cousin,' 'best friend' and 'family.' The bank is more likely to lose your money than your family is to turn on you, or so we're commonly lead to believe. The simply fact is, none of that is true. We're more likely to win the lottery or get struck by lightening before family is completely loyal to the end. Speaking of the word 'END,' I've seen so many fake pictures online that say that the word 'Friend' has the word 'END' in it and means that it comes to an end, always. However I've met people who've become damn good friends to me and I doubt they'd ever wrong me in any way, shape or form. Family is the true enemy in times of need. They'll stand there with you, against you secretly. They enjoy watching you struggle. They'll take you in, thinking it'll be nonstop entertainment that they don't have to pay for. They'll however let anger into their minds, let it linger and control there thoughts and words. I'd like to say something extremely ugly against you. However I can't. It's not in my nature to feel that way. I pity you. I can't help that I do. I wish I could. I'm just not as vile as you are. I was invisible to you the entire time. You were so comfortable. Not even realizing I was always just around the corner. In the next room. At the top of the stairs. Silently. Sadly you were just too busy being you. Uncontrollably you. It'll be your downfall. It's already started. As much as I'd enjoy hating you and as much as I do enjoy being away from you. I miss the people there that really mattered to me. It's just sad that you try so hard to keep them mentally and emotionally small. I just hope they learned to grow from the confidence I tried to instill in them. I never had that person in my life. So I decided to be that for them. I'd tell them to reach for the stars and all that shit. I'd tell them they could do anything and the truth is... They can. They just need to get away from you. You are the dark cloud. You are the blackened star. The forgotten child and the lost mother, and wife. I see it written in their faces. "Life would be so much better if she weren't here." Sad. I know all that you don't even notice one ounce of it. You're blinded by ignorance and I'll let you know what they say in circles with people like you... Ignorance is bliss. Learn to the love it "sister." Because when you've got nothing left, but that GED you earned at the tender age of 27 years old (I got mine when I was 17. Not saying I'm better than you - Although I am) - you'll realize it all could have been so much easier if you'd learned a long time ago that Family is Forever.