Don't Go Away by Buckcherry

In my darkest state of mind
I am riddled with despair
When I try and close my eyes
Your voice is all I hear
I will think of you tonight
I will hold back all my tears
I've waited all these years

Please don't go away
You're making a mistake
You and I were meant to be
You opened up my eyes
And made me realize
Now its changing everything
It’s crazy how I feel this way
I can’t explain don't go away

I see your shadow all the time
I see your face inside my mirror
Like a sunset in the sky
You distract me from my fears
I keep holding it inside
And I wish that you were near
It’s better when You're here

Please don't go away
You're making a mistake
You and I were meant to be
You opened up my eyes
And made me realize
Now its changing everything
It’s crazy how I feel this way
I can’t explain don't go away

All the things you said
And all the games we played
Will come back to you
See the look in your eyes
Ooooh, don't’ go away


Please don't go away
You're making a mistake
You and I were meant to be
Please don't go away
You're making a mistake
You and I were meant to be
You opened up my eyes
And made me realize
Now its changing everything
It’s crazy how I feel this way
I can’t explain why I feel this way
It's hard to say
I want to make you see
What you mean to me
Don’t go away

Over & Under - Egypt Central

I know you'll be there, To see the tables turning.
Wake up tomorrow, And watch the bridges burning.

I can see, I can see it in your eyes.
I can feel, I can feel it in my mind.
I don't care, I don't care if you realize.
What you see, What you see in my eyes.

I'm over me being under you.
I'm breaking free I'm breaking through.
I've overcome all I'm underneath.
I can finally stand.
I can finally breathe.

Remember when we, First had the thought of living.
A perfect picture, But I did all the giving.
Gave up my passions, To try to make you happy.
The joke is over, And I'll do all the laughing.

I can see, I can see it in your eyes.
I can feel, I can feel it in my mind.
I don't care, I don't care if you realize.
What you see, What you see in my eyes.

I'm over me being under you.
I'm breaking free I'm breaking through.
I've overcome all I'm underneath.
I can finally stand.
I can finally breathe.

====
Just another one of my favorite songs at the moment.

Hey Baby, Here's That Song You Wanted - by BlessTheFall

I watched the sun again, it's leaving now
I've spent all night long trying to figure out
What I've lost and what I've failed
When my feet won't hit the ground
Trying to make it, starting over
And will we ever love again?

Hey baby, are you alone tonight?
How can we make it?
Hey baby, looks like you were wrong
It's never too late, too late

So here we are again, to make some sense of it all
All these "sorry" changes, maybe tonight's no different
Rearrange the pieces, like it's all we know
It's all we know maybe

Hey baby, are you alone tonight?
How can we make it?
Hey baby, looks like you were wrong
It's never too late, too late

I can't put it together, what we missed
The pieces keep falling one by one
Cause this life is us holding on
Fall tomorrow then it's gone
Fall tomorrow then I'm gone

Hey baby, it looks like you were wrong
How can we make it?

Hey baby, are you alone tonight?
How can we make it?
Hey baby, looks like you were wrong
It's never too late, too late

(Take it all, leave this place behind)

There's no one else tonight
Tonight

Nostalgia Blows Like A Bullet To My FUCKING HEAD!

I’m not feeling well today. Woke up at 4am with a bloody nose. My brother and sister have told me its probably from all the coffee I drink. I’d say I disagree, yet at the same time too much adrenaline does that I suppose.

Anyway onto what I fucking came here to say. Not only do I feel sick today, but I feel like shit. Thinking of my life back then when I was just a kid without a worry and how now I’m suppose to be an adult. I miss those days. Sitting back watching WCW and WWF (now known as WWE), cartoons on Saturday as well WCW Saturday Night, SNL and sometimes when I could get it WWF Shotgun Saturday Night. Walking around town doing nothing but going from one place to the next, listening to lots of Nirvana, Limp Bizkit, Korn and old school Wu-Tang Clan. I find myself these days doing only half of that in my state of “nostalgia.” I don’t know why I torture myself like this. Knowing during those times I’d have loved to get high, although I never did. Only and simply because I thought my life would have been something so much more if I didn’t ruin it all then and there within the walls of those years. I look back now, not in anger, disgust or even regret. I look back now and wonder what would have been if I’d given into my own internal struggles with addiction. I used to dream about getting high just to forget daily struggles and the turn my life took from that time period. I can look back at some things and laugh and yet a sting of “wow, that happened” still takes over and nearly makes a tear come to my eye. I may not cry on the outside, but I a screaming and throwing a fit on the inside. I cannot show that side of me just yet, because if I do I’ll probably explode and become nothing more then another failure under my own internal duress.

One by one I line up these memories and let the fire squad have it. Yet nothing disappears, it only fades for awhile. Then everything comes back full circle and I’m left feeling empty again.

Follow The Wolves - Demon Hunter

Every second is a pure affliction
But I can feel your pain
Choke back the burn of wrath as they violate your name
No sign of innocence in this godforsaken place
When the truth is in your hands, they'll spit upon your face

Dismantle the ground they stand on
Give power a name
You've traveled the path of slander
Now bury the shame

Shed rejection
Learn to follow the wolves

Run away to the blackened skies, through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries, to the shelter of release
Run away to the blackened skies, through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries, to immunity

See the struggle of the faithless lot as they negate their time
How low to sink to the depths of their frame of mind

Dismantle the ground they stand on
Give power a name
You've traveled the path of slander
Now bury the shame

Shed rejection
Learn to follow the wolves

Run away to the blackened skies, through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries, to the shelter of release
Run away to the blackened skies, through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries, to immunity

No tear for desolation
Nearing the end of our misery

Run away to the blackened skies, through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries, to the shelter of release
Run away to the blackened skies, through the fear of disbelief
Run away from the hollow cries, to immunity

The Sin-Eater

I’ve listened to so many people about their problems and have kept it all inside. Never once did I expose anything anyone has ever said to me. I am saturated with so many people’s problems, their sins, their deepest-most darkened parts of their lives that could just eat them alive… I sit here today with dozens upon dozens of secrets, all just eating at my soul. Am I a Sin-Eater? Because that would make so much sense to me… Even if I have not done any such ritual… I believe it has to do more with the things from people that you take in, that hold for them. The things that pain someone the most that they can leave with you so that they may live their life. At times I wonder where most of these people that have laid their burden down on me, where would they be had they not. I wonder where life would have gone for them without that sense of relief. Without that feeling of, “it’s out there.” Keeping it inside, hidden only to show its ugly face when you don’t need it. I just want those that have come to me to know, I will never say a word. I haven’t yet and I’ll die with all that you’ve told me. Simply because I love you all. I am your Sin-Eater and I will continue to devour your secrets, sins and tragedies. I am your Dracula in a shining armor. I am the home you can leave your burden and the garden you can bury your secrets. Who am I? I am a Sin-Eater, plain and simple.

HA...PPY.... Birth...Day... To... Me...

another year older and still I'm not dead... WTF am I doing wrong?

Chapter Four: All That You Love… Will Never Love You The Same…

“Well the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows. It's no stranger to you and me…” - Genesis

Now I’m not talking about your loved one or the one true love of your life here. I’m talking about the possessions you want to posses. The things that you surround yourself with. Everything from the designer clothes, the posters of random Hollywood whores, the labels you want to be associated with and the feeling of social acceptance. It’s all bullshit in the end as I’ve stated in chapter one. Yet in this chapter you need to think about it all. Don’t just isolate and destroy it all, but free yourself from the wants, needs and desires to be something - that in the end you’re better than. Because you as yourself are a weapon. A weapon of mass-fucking-destruction. Believe it, feel it, taste it, become it. No one can hold you back any longer now that you’ve come one step closer to owning all that you truly are inside. That is one bad ass motherfucker who works in mysterious ways. No one can put their finger on you and pin you down to who you really are inside. They question themselves when you come around. They no longer know what’s-WHAT when it comes to the shit they created. It’s all about you and presence you’ve not invented, but released. Simply because you are you, you are alone, you are life unplugged, raw, real and uncut. You’re no longer the editors choice, but the directors cut of your own fucking life. Live it, believe it. It’s you’re fucking life now so go out get your hands filthy with the grime that you desire and make your own heaven here on earth… And when the time is right, you’ll realize heaven wasn’t that far away from your own image of the place.

... I've messed up... Again... PT.3

Though she wont admit.
I’ve messed up again.
I want someone to shake me…
To wake me from this state I’m in.
I want her to hit me as hard as she can.
I want to taste her fist or the just her palm as her fingers leave a mark across my face,
I want to no longer feel like I’ve done wrong.
I don’t know how to express what I need from her…
And I don’t know how to give her everything she desires.
I want to scream at myself and not just from within.
I want to bleed, I want to savor the pain.
AND YET I CAN, BUT ONLY FROM WITHIN.
Hidden from everyday life inside my head.
I don’t want to keep to myself.
Yet it seems that’s best for now…
Because even though you’ll understand, It’s all I have that is mine and mine alone.
It’s my only sanction from living.
Even though you’ve come so close to giving me a reason to be.
Sometimes it feels like you’ll soon leave...
Because I know you can do better.
I am the worse, you are the best of us both.
I’ll only drag you down and I’ve already begun to do so.
I’m sorry…. I should have said that a long time ago.
So again I say, I’m sorry.

Chapter Two: Systematical Catastrophe

“Thoughts of happiness you destroyed them all, First inside my head, then inside my soul.” - Black Sabbath

In life people will try to break you down to rebuild you in the image they want you to become. I’m telling you now to never let that happen. If anything, the only part of you that needs to be broken down and have something built over it is… Emotion. Break down those walls and build your heart. Live for you, not society. Everyday life is only 1/10 of who you are. These same people that will tear you down will tell you “Never give up.” and “Stay true to yourself.” Yet they don’t mean it. All they are really doing is weakening your guard to soon break in like a thief in the night and begin to change what you know in your heart is ‘TRUTH.’ These very people will lie to you, abuse you and throw you away when they can no longer get anything out of you. When you’ve been bled dry and left as nothing but chapped flesh, sunken muscle and bone. In life people will want you to be a curmudgeon, yet they’d still want you to be fluid enough for them to come by and treat you like a wax doll and rearrange you. So what you need to do is after you’ve unplugged from society, recharge yourself with everything you’ve ever known to be REAL. Because in the end when you’re done with the façade that is “LIFE,” you will be more then capable of doing all that you’ve ever imagined of yourself. Live your life. Breathe a deep sigh of relief. Never back down from what you believe and in the end… Heaven is what you’ll make it.

I messed up again... pt2

Restless and gone days without sleep.
Only to find myself napping away precious minutes that sometimes turn into hours.
Dreaming of strange things and waking in a cold sweat.
I don’t want to feel this ever again.
I just don’t want to feel at all.
WHY CAN’T I LIVE WITHOUT LIVING!?
I want to wash away the filth of life.
Replace it with something I’d rather know instead.
Burn the photographs, none of them matter.
They never did, they never will.
Fake people with phony smiles and even worse characters.
I’m done with continuing to fake it.
WHY CAN’T I BREAK THIS CYCLE!?
I can’t seem to get away from these chains.
Still locked in this cage I was born in.
Under a sun that never shines.
It just burns and burns and the darkness is all that I see of you.
Inside this casket of a life you’ve given to me.
WHY CAN’T I ESCAPE THIS HELL!?
Overshadowed and beginning to lose my mind.
I feel like a thousand worms are crawling beneath my skin.
They find every sore and make it their home.
WHY CAN’T THEY JUST LEAVE!?
IT FEELS LIKE THERES A VOICE IN MY HEAD!
WHY WONT IT JUST LEAVE!?
Telling me what I want to hear…
Yet telling me things I could never want to know…
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
I THINK I’VE MESSED UP AGAIN!
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
I messed up… again…

Chapter One: Only The Beginning

“This world rejects me… This world never gave me a CHANCE!” N.I.N.

That is right. Trent Reznor has the world figured out. This world will reject you. Chew you up, use you, abuse you and throw you away. You never had a chance straight out the womb. WE WERE FUCKED FROM THE GET GO!

So what are we suppose to do? Are we suppose to just realize that and give up? Sound simple. I know it does. I’ve felt like giving up forever now. Yet I keep myself somewhere in life that is comfortable and yet still so… Surreal and ultimately, bizarre. It’s just strange to live like there is no tomorrow and go without sleep because you’d rather not miss a fucking moment in your life. Yet you find yourself getting sloppy, your thoughts collide and everything you see makes you shed a tear or two… It doesn’t have to be that way. Isolate and bury your emotions. Kill the child inside and become who you truly are. You are dominant. You are a hero. You are the villain. You are a hard worker. You are the real American Dream. You are LIFE unplugged. Never surrender, keep moving and live for yourself, your family and the Love of your life. Give all you can to your Love and in return, Heaven will be what you make it.

... I've messed up... Again...

Feeling so empty, yet so alive.
This is a peculiar yet not so mundane.
I want to burn my emotions.
I want to live hollow and isolated.
Rid my life of the evidence that I once cared.
I just want to peel away the propaganda that is everyday.
Yet life would be so dull without these half-truths and little white lies.
Wear them around your neck like a chain of your own demise.
Skulls and crossbones, stars and studs.
Nothing matters to you, all that matters to me is a fucking gun.
I want to blow my head off.
I want to drown in bits of brain and blood.
Soak the floor with my memories.
Only to have them washed away, re-carpeted and sold to the highest bidder.
Soap and bleach can only do so much, yet nothing can cure this pain inside.
A bullet might numb the memories, but even that façade can’t fix everything.
I just want to scream, I want to bleed.
I want to end it all, fucking end it all.
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
WHEN WILL IT END!?
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
I’ve messed up again…

.........

Trying to find the rights words to say
Just how I see you in my mind
Yet nothing comes and my thoughts crash and clatter
All I know is how you make me feel
And the fact that you make me feel
I smile when I think of you
I smile when I look at you
And sometimes I wonder if it’s real?
Because I don’t wanna wake up if this is a dream
I’d rather live here forever
Or live inside the fire in your eyes
Somewhere I can hear the song your heart plays
Inside your mind where I can make a home of your favorite lyrics
And sleep with the memories you cherish the most
Why? You might ask…
Because I love you.
I love you like the ocean loves this world.
Like the sky loves the clouds.
Like the trees love the hills and the grass.
Like a pet loves a good home.
I love you, I love you.
Those three words are all I can say.
And even they feel a bit hollow once out there.