Though she wont admit.
I’ve messed up again.
I want someone to shake me…
To wake me from this state I’m in.
I want her to hit me as hard as she can.
I want to taste her fist or the just her palm as her fingers leave a mark across my face,
I want to no longer feel like I’ve done wrong.
I don’t know how to express what I need from her…
And I don’t know how to give her everything she desires.
I want to scream at myself and not just from within.
I want to bleed, I want to savor the pain.
AND YET I CAN, BUT ONLY FROM WITHIN.
Hidden from everyday life inside my head.
I don’t want to keep to myself.
Yet it seems that’s best for now…
Because even though you’ll understand, It’s all I have that is mine and mine alone.
It’s my only sanction from living.
Even though you’ve come so close to giving me a reason to be.
Sometimes it feels like you’ll soon leave...
Because I know you can do better.
I am the worse, you are the best of us both.
I’ll only drag you down and I’ve already begun to do so.
I’m sorry…. I should have said that a long time ago.
So again I say, I’m sorry.
